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Thread: Funny pics

  1. #7851
    Marijuana Growing Member
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    A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her
    name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack.

    So he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a
    long vacation."

    Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

    The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his
    name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows
    the bank Manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of
    money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She
    asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

    The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain
    elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed.

    Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the Manager
    and disappears into a back office. She finds the Manager and says:

    "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and
    wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She
    holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?".........

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    The bank Manager looks back at her and says:

    "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a
    Rolling Stone."
    JJ

    [Freedom is not free. Free men are not equal. Equal men are not free.]

  2. #7852
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    A day in the life of a BMW driver......


    The other day I was cruising along as usual in my BMW coming to an interchange, which was very busy with inferior cars.

    First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic didn't slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the on ramp! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my highway! The driver of the car behind me did realize his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.

    Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane (why do underlings use this lane? Surely everyone knows it is for BMW drivers only?).

    Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and cruising along at 110mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my road, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!

    Naturally, I got to within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my highway and to get out of my way. Of course, once he realized it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me!

    He also tried to keep up with me and when he realized I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.

    Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast!

    Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my driver's license to a Police Station to be sent away to have some points put on (they're not free points either - they're $50 each and I was only allowed 3)!

    But the man at the Police Station said that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won't even NEED a driving license, so they will take it off me! See, now THAT's the sort of respect you get when you buy and drive a BMW!
    JJ

    [Freedom is not free. Free men are not equal. Equal men are not free.]

  3. #7853
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    Bubba gets pulled over for speeding.

    Bubba: Is there a problem, officer?

    Officer: Sir, you were speeding.

    Bubba: Oh, I see.

    Officer: Can I see your license please?

    Bubba: I would give it to you but I don't have one.

    Officer: Don't have one?

    Bubba: Lost it four years ago for drunk driving.

    Officer: I see... Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

    Bubba: I can't do that.

    Officer: Why not?

    Bubba: I stole this car.

    Officer: Stole it?

    Bubba: Yes, and I killed the owner.

    Officer: You what?

    Bubba: Killed the owner, I had to self- defense otherwise he would call the police and I would be in jail.

    The Officer looks at Bubba and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes five police cars circle the car.
    A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

    Senior Officer: Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please! Bubba steps out of the vehicle.

    Bubba: Is there a problem sir?

    Senior Officer: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and killed the owner.

    Bubba: Killed the owner?

    Senior Officer: Is this your car, sir?

    Bubba: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

    Senior Officer: One of my officers claims that you don't have a driving license.

    Bubba digs into his pocket takes out his license and hands it to the officer.

    The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

    Bubba: Bet the liar told you I was speeding too.
    JJ

    [Freedom is not free. Free men are not equal. Equal men are not free.]

  4. #7854
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    You can say what you want about Florida, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.
    These are actual ads seen in 'The Villages'' Florida newspaper. Who says seniors don't have a sense
    of humor?


    Foxy Lady
    Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6').
    Searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

    Long Term Commitment
    Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband. Looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

    Senenity Now
    I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

    Winning Smile
    Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

    Beatles or Stones?
    I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.
    If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen,let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

    Memories
    I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.
    If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.

    Mint Cindition
    Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves.
    Isn't in running condition, but walks well.

    Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.
    JJ

    [Freedom is not free. Free men are not equal. Equal men are not free.]

  5. #7855
    Marijuana Growing Member
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    0 Not allowed!
    You stick a bunch of females together and don't want any problems? Good luck. They are going to mess you up.

  6. #7856
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    You stick a bunch of females together and don't want any problems? Good luck. They are going to mess you up.

  7. #7857
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